25 years ago, I said, "I do," and I had zero idea what those words truly meant. For me, it was a fun ceremony with a cute guy, and I was utterly twitter-pated. Unfortunately, it was a loose commitment; In my mind, I could leave anytime.
Jubilee's face in this photo...the best, lol
And I almost did, more times than I can count.
Now, people don't leave each other because things are sunshine and roses, so clearly, we had issues—both of us. He had his problems, and I had mine. With every amazing marital high, there was an equally sucky low.
25 years ago today, we were married on the island of Maui
It wasn't until recently that we finally figured out this "marriage" thing.
We haven't aged a bit, eh?
It's easy to live as if every offense is "deal-breaking." It literally takes zero effort to consider marriage disposable. But what about that whole "good times and bad times" part of the marriage vows? Ug.
Why can't marriage stay good? Why does it always have to have bad moments, too?
Sin.
Pride.
Selfishness.
The last two are derivatives of sin, but you get the idea.
We were married at the Lahuiokalani Congregational Church at 3 pm on 8/8/99.
This morning, the morning of our 25th wedding anniversary, both of us did something selfish, and both of us got hurt. Really hurt.
Twenty-five years, and we're both still "young and stupid."
Today's episode of "How stupid, sinful, prideful, and selfish can you be?" ended differently than it has in 25 years. Today, God allowed both of our hearts to shatter completely. For a moment, it looked impossible to put them back together. We put the "ugly" in ugly crying.
But grace.
But love.
But commitment.
Even amid excruciating emotional pain, we chose "I do" all over again.
They opened the church for us so we could show the kids inside the building and take pictures.
Seeing their faces as they tried to imagine the day was such a treat.
This "I do" was much different from 25 years ago. This had maturity and wisdom behind it. We both knew the full gravity and commitment of this "I do."
Our marriage is a 25-year testimony to leveling up over time.
Marriage can really suck some days. Our hearts have been broken more times than I can count. But in 25 years, we have never failed to put them back together and leave them better than when we broke them. We both have worked hard to become better spouses and ensure that hurt never happens again.
That's marriage.
That's commitment.
That's love.
That's "I do".
Our wedding reception was held at Kimo's on the waterfront during sunset. That building burned down during last year's deadly fire, and today is the one-year anniversary of that fire. Hula Grill is Kimo's sister restaurant, and it was equally fabulous and romantic.
I'm not a fan of pain: physical, emotional, financial, or even spiritual pain. I avoid pain at all costs. But there is one thing I really like about pain: if you're willing to go through it and learn from it, you will emerge as a much better human.
Bill and I have a family rule, something we teach our kids when they try to get out of finishing what they started: Never quit when things are hard and only ever choose to step away during the easy times. That rule teaches you to make decisions prayerfully without knee-jerk emotional reactions. Most importantly, it teaches you to do "hard things" and learn from them. People who persevere when things get hard are the reason why we have blockbuster movies in America.
Hula Pie!!! This was our "wedding cake" 25 years ago. We thought we would never be able to have it again, but Hula Grill serves it and lets you buy the plate. I now have three plates! One from our wedding day, one from our 11th anniversary, and one from our 25th anniversary.
Marriage is HARD, and I'm confident our blockbuster marriage will be sold out in minutes. It's a drama, comedy, romance, and thank God it has never been a thriller but has a happy ending.
Cheers to two people who do hard things even when sometimes we do things that make us not like one another. We love each other, and we reached level 25 this year because of our commitment.
Oh, and Bill...you're still that cute guy, and I'm still twitter-pated. I'm certain I will break your heart again, and you will break mine. But I'm grateful we have committed to rebuilding a better marriage and becoming better spouses every time.
See you next year for level 26. I’ll bring the coffee, and you bring the chocolate; the climb is steep, and we’ll need sustenance.
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