Until today, I was strong and willing to stand up to almost anything. I don't go looking for fights, but I'm certainly not quick to back down.
In 2020, I went nose to nose with the sheriff because he trampled my constitutional rights, and I knew I would win easily in a court of law. He was armed and had a bulletproof vest. I had a cell phone and lipstick in my pocket. For some reason, that night, I was fearless and, quite honestly, a little cocky. The dude was huge. I didn't budge and barely blinked; he eventually backed down.
So, why did a darn wasp bring me to my knees sobbing like a baby today? Oh my word, how embarrassing! And it's all caught on our doorbell camera. Oy Veh. 🤦♀️
Today was just like any other morning... We woke up early, enjoyed coffee o'clock and the sunrise, and then Bill headed off to work. I did what I did every morning and walked with him outside to wave goodbye. Only this time, I stood by my van instead of the end of the walkway. When I turned to watch him drive away, he waved at me frantically to go inside. At that moment, a "bug" flew into my ear. I did what anyone would have done and batted it away.
Mistake #1. That made the "bug" furious.
(then don't fly in my ear...duh 🙄)
The rest happened so fast; Bill urged from across the yard, "Get inside now!" and frantically waved for me to go inside.
So, I ran towards the house, still having zero idea what was chasing and dive-bombing me. At this point, I was thinking it was a horsefly. It sounded like it.
Thinking I had run far enough away from the tiny terror, I turned back towards Bill to continue my routine, and the bugger attacked again. By now, I had realized it wasn't just an annoying horsefly. Bill, again, hollered, "Get inside now!"
Apparently, you do have to tell me twice, and this time, I ran into the house and closed the door.
Bill was relieved I had reached safety and drove out of the driveway to work.
Meanwhile, that darn wasp was now in the house and IN MY HAIR! I had brought him in with me. Bill thought I was finally safe, and I had now trapped my attacker in the house with me.
No way was I going to let this evil wasp attack my kids, so I ran back outside, screaming like a pathetic, wimpy girl.
All. Caught. On. Camera.
I was less than two feet from the perfect angle of our doorbell camera to capture the ordeal. Isn't modern tech awesome?
Praise the Lord; Bill kept to his routine of looking over his shoulder to wave and blow me a kiss, even though I technically shouldn't have been there. He saw me failing, flicking, kicking, screaming, thrashing, and begging for mercy from my ruthless attacker.
I almost didn't hear him as he burned rubber, squealing back into our driveway, slamming on the brakes, and jumping from the truck before it stopped. Just as he was flying towards me to save my life...
ZAP! The wasp got me in the back of the neck.
I've been stung by bees before, but holy smokes, Batman. A wasp sting is legitimately painful!
I smacked my neck so hard that his body separated from his stinger, but he was still attacking ruthlessly. Not for long, however. His buzzing body eventually came out of my hair and flew off just as Bill reached my side.
By now, I was crying hysterically and clinging to Bill like my life depended on it. He asked, "Did he get you?"
Still sobbing, I nodded and then pointed to the back of my neck.
"Care," that's what he calls me, "his stinger is still in you," and he pulled out his pocket knife and started scraping my neck.
Pause for a moment...my sweet, protective husband scraped my neck with a pocket knife; that should have been terrifying. It wasn't. He's a skilled stinger/cactus surgeon, and that's not even close to the terror I experienced from that relentless wasp. I trusted him with my life, knife on my neck and all, lol.
Once the stinger was out, he began oiling me with Basil essential oil, the best EO ever for venomous attacks. It was only about another 30 seconds before the pain completely subsided, and all that was left was a huge raised bump. However, the emotional trauma is still lingering.
And that's how I went from fearless to... a now Italian-scented wasp pin cushion in under 5 minutes. If anyone needs me, I'm choosing to live the rest of my days inside, fully dressed in beekeeper gear. Far away from cameras. Forever. It's much better to blog about it, although I'm sure y'all would love to see the video... Not. Happening. 😆
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